Author: Forgotten Shoes

I used to be way better at this

But now…

Either I’ve run out of emotions,

Or I take myself too seriously ,

Or maybe my thoughts aren’t quite ready to come out.

OR maybe I’m just confusing myself too much…..

You could tell me that you felt as if you were everything and nothing

at the same time

and you would still blow my mind.

You could tell them that you just can’t do it anymore

But they would keep you in the war.

And you could stay there

until youre not there

And I think they’d still just

Laugh.

I miss afternoons

In my grandmother’s garden

I wonder how she’s doing right now

It’s hard to sleep

When I’m thinking of

Everything

I miss early mornings

Picking the stems

Searching for the right shape

I miss early mornings

When the sun would rise

And colors and light would fill both my eyes

I miss the late nights

In your backyard

Just wondering

When will the stars will start?

Will you still hold my hand

Will you walk with me

to a lighter land?

E7

Something is different

But I couldn’t tell

Something was different

And then I fell

I miss afternoons

In my grandmother’s garden

Never a care in the wordl

But now its unsafe there

the dogs have taken over

and her smile isnt quite as kind

I miss late september

Exploring deep within

trees and leaves swaying

And the chilly wind

I miss mid october

With my blue hair

everyone wondering

What I thought up there

But it didnt matter

No it never did

I was just me, still a little kid

Oh, to go back

Deep in the forest

or up in the safety land

Oh, to go back

To stay by her side

To see you hold her and cry

Oh, to go back

I could go back

If I could just

Remember.

Sometimes you go through it alone

The downfall

The crashing waves

The landslide

The tears

The breathing

The clouds

The hate

The doubt

And the healing.

Sometimes it’s only you who sees the effort

Sometimes you have to be proud of yourself

For making it out to the other side.

Sometimes all they’ll ever see are your puffy eyes and tangled hairs.

But you know how hard you fought to keep afloat.

So even if no one is there to hold you

Pull you up

Or appreciate your efforts,

Know that you are strong,

And a wonder to behold.

How do you speak to someone who can’t hear uou

Without shedding a tear

How do you speak to someone who won’t lend

An ear

How do you talk to someone who’s always here

Although focused on the task at hand

Too far away to make a plan

How do I tell you how I feel

When he doesn’t think it’s real

How do I express my mood

When it would break your heart in two

I think if I really told you

Took you to your word

It would cause the feeling that I’d have to bear

Because if you really knew

How much a little one like me could do

It would crush you up

Make you feel like glue that’s all dried

Devoid of your purpose

You’ve already failed the need

You say that you want to help me

but I can’t do that to you

I won’t do that to you.

You tell me you care

That you’re always there

And I know that’s that true

But it’s too hard to reach you

I feel like the world’s crumbling down

If I don’t hold my breath

Maybe I would drown

Looking up to

Searching of you

I feel alone

Feel alone

I’m too scared to

Break your heart too

So I’m on my own

On my own

How do I

Say what’s wrong

When I know

It’s been too long

I know you care

You say you’re there

But others need you more

So don’t tell me

You’ll be by my side

Through the war

I can’t take it anymore!

On my side in the war

But what was it for

You’re too far to reach

Or otherwise… busy

Why would you help me

When below there’s someone calling your name

Screaming in pain

Shaking their chain

Don’t listen to my brain

It’s all a shame

They say I’m making it up

Im holding my cup

Too far away

But what can I say

Maybe I need you but as far as it goes

You can’t sustain standing on your tippy tows

I’m too much for you

Oh, I know it’s true

I’ll hold my breath

And I’ll see it through.

Just worry for you.

Stir-crazy

I have heard this word so many heckin times this week and I’m afraid I have to announce I’m not quite sure what it means.

I mean, of course it means you’re going crazy- but why in the heck is “stir” apart if it???

Are you just going SO crazy that you’re stirring every pot in the house? If that’s the case, I hope you don’t spill you’re mad and cheese.

Or, dies it have something to do with stirring the pot? Y’know, the phrase used by adults when they try to get you to do new things or meet new people or do something outgoing.

I really don’t know. And I might regret saying that. Cuz it sounds kinda stupid. But hey, it’s 6 am and I haven’t slept yet.

I think that gives me a free pass to stupidity.

Anyway.

Goodnight, friends.

Writing is hard and confusing and breathtaking and draining and explosive and refreshing-

Like diving into a pool on a hot June day,

Like breaking through the ribbon at the end of a race,

Like all the things I’ve never done before.

On what this pandemic has done:

To be awake at such an hour, on this side of the clock…

it just doesn’t feel right.

To be wondering if I’ll need to sell that gown… it’s just not fair.

To be home with endless questions and seemingly unending time, yet still filled with the anxiety of deadlines I can’t meet…

I don’t know what to do in response.

Do you think, in the end , this will all be better?

Do you think we’ll choose to forgive?

Do you hurt, too?

I don’t quite know how to feel.

Are you sure this is real?

To lose so many things,

to gain so many hellos, with a cost of countless missed goodbyes.

I feel like I could really enjoy this if it was timed differently.

In nearly all aspects, this is a dream come true.

I just wish I still got to see you.

-Even though I already told you that a million times.